Jul 6, 2010

If I could write a letter to me

There is a trend going on in the blogger world these days to take a moment and write a letter to yourself... You start from a certain point in your life and write to the present.  I read a few entries on random sites and was moved by some of the entries... So I thought I'd give it a shot and hopefully pass on the idea to my friends and other random people who might come across this page.

Middle School Tara.
It's the day before your 13th birthday and  you are getting braces.  You are really excited about this.  Finally something to make you "cool" and "fit in" with the rest of the crowd but consider waiting until after your birthday party....your teeth are really going to hurt from those tight, shiny, yet colorful braces.  You'll have the hardest time picking out the color of bands you want but trust me, clear is best.  Once they are removed you'll have the next best thing... a permanent retainer. You'll have many not so nice things to say about this permanent piece of metal in your mouth... just remember floss is your friend.  You are going to be going to high school soon and will be leaving behind some really good friends, but hold on to the red head named, Julie. She'll be there with you through all the hard times and show you what true friendship is all about.  

High School Tara,
You're going to be in the marching band. Try your best, maybe even practice playing your instrument. Don't worry about Chemistry. You'll run into your teacher many years from now and tell him that you haven't balanced a chemical equation since you took his class and he'll laugh.  Oh, and you won't use Geometry either.  Boys will be boys and none are worth keeping around. You'll work at Chili's from 1993 to 2000. You'll meet one of your best friends, Kristine.  She'll be wearing a really cool color of nail polish and you'll notice.  You'll be instant friends after that.  You'll continue working at Chilis' after HS and will transfer to one in Austin. You'll meet Paul and finally understand the meaning behind "keep Austin weird!"  Your friendship will be one you cherish forever.

College Tara,
You'll take classes at ACC and apply to a few colleges. You'll get accepted to SWT and UoH.  You'll choose SWT. Paaaaaaaaaaararrrrty.  Just kidding Mom!  You will go through some roommates and live on your own some.  Keep your eyes open on campus because you'll spot your friend from High School,  Becky. You'll reconnect and spend a few years rooming together. Eventually she'll move to Boston but she'll be your tour guide to the city and even take you on a trip to San Fransisco/Napa Valley.  Later on in life, she bring you back tokens from her travels across the seas.  Your favorite with be a child size kimono.  Be sure to get familiar with the Internet. You'll be able to connect with a lot of people from all over, some you'll even really care about.  Match.com will one day change your life.  Your senior year you'll get a phone call that brings you to your knees.  Papa dies and your heart breaks. But don't worry. He will visit you in your dreams and you'll be so happy you saw him again. You graduate and make your parents proud! 

23 - 29 year old Tara
Thanks to your friend Susan, you'll get your first teaching job in Sugar Land. You'll teach Kindergarten and pick out your "favorites" but know that in the end each of those kids needs you.  You'll question moving back to Austin because relationships end and you want a change, but you never leave. You'll turn 25 and make a wish as you blow out your candle to meet someone who loves you for you.  A week later you do.  You'll talk to him for hours that first night. You'll meet him and two days later you'll see him every single day after that.  You'll fall in love under the stars and he'll ask you to marry him under those same stars a few years down the road.  Your parents won't believe you when you tell them you're engaged....Travis will always surprise you. You'll get married at the same church your parents did and where Papa is buried.  The wedding will be amazing. You'll find out a month later your expecting.

Pregnant Tara,
You are shocked. You just peed on a stick and it's blinking and alarms are sounding off -you're pregnant. Are you ready for this? NO.  But who is.  Your sister will tell you that there will never be the perfect time, and you'll never have enough money.... this will stick with you.  You might want to sign up for the class, what to expect after your water breaks. It's good to know this sort of information. Drag your husband along.  When in need, call Julie.  Your water will break on the rug as you're walking to the bathroom...and seriously you don't have to go to the hospital right away... if you do, your husband will fall asleep and you'll be awake, and mad that he's asleep.  So just wait it out for as long as you can.  Remember that there is a button on the side of the bed to push if you start feeling contractions. Don't press it too many times...but know that if you do, Travis will be there for you to move your legs for you. 

30 year old Tara
Life will never be the same and it's ok. Realize this.  Sleep doesn't happen much. Husbands don't always hear a crying baby.  You'll catch up on nights when mom and Julia step up to the plate and keep your little one over night.  It will take awhile to get to that point but just know it will happen.  Let it happen. Give your baby a bottle. Better yet, give the bottle to someone else and you get out of the house.  Try to smile. Being a mom is hard but your little boy is going to love you.  It's ok to have a messy house. Your house isn't as messy as your neighbor's house or your neighbor's neighbor....it's not even messy.  So let it go. It's hard, but let it go.  Date your husband. Remember your friends.  Don't get caught up in the have nots. Know that God has a plan and that things are going to work out.
32 year old Tara
Cade is 3 1/2.  He is closer to 4 than he is 3.  He makes sure that he makes you happy when he goes potty. Or happy when he doesn't hit you even though he just said he was going to.  He will want to watch Imagination Movers, Bad Hair Day a hundred times and then once again just because he wants to bounce on the couch while they sing.  He will grow one inch in under 2 months.  He loves to sing, dance and play sharks and alligators. His favorite thing to say will be "rude butt."  Try not to laugh when he says that over and over again.   Spend time with your husband and do things for him... don't expect perfection.   Hold hands and when times get tough just remember where you came from. Say I love you more.